I have about a week before I head off and am now starting to accept the fact that I am leaving. I had a weird dream last night that included my high school class in a weird swirl of bonfire and sky. The dream morphed into a Van Gogh like night crisp with East Coast autumn and a kind of business and excitement. In the cheesiest way possible, I thought , "so begins my life"
Everything up to this point has been safe and really, not that much in my control. Now, it really is sink or swim. Even more difficult is that I have to jump right in, which doesn't really fit with my metaphor or my natural instinct. It seems unwise to jump right into water you don't know anything about, and yet it is the best way to acclimate yourself with the college experience.
I am hoping that I can make friends, get the classes I like, enjoy the experience, all with a minimal amount of stress. In reality, I know that I am going to be stressing about the itineraries, over analyzing first impressions and probably questioning myself more than I care to admit. In the end, everything will kind of squish together into a lull and then I will know that I have finally arrived; acceptance has finally come.
Until then, I find solace in lists and lists. Whether I follow them or not, they make me feel like I am not hurtling into the depths. CANON BALL!!!!
<3 Tentative Cyan
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